The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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