like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
