youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
