dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
