omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
