After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
