I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
