so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
