i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
