You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
