Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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