i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
