Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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