He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
