who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
