i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
