I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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