dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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