Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
