Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
