Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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