My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
being pregnant is like rehab
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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