i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
