If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
sarcasm needs its own font
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
