my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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