how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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