Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
