I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
