I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
