is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
