i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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