Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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