I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
