So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
