It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
