I got chris browned last night
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
