I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
