Soap is not a condiment
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
