I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
