I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
