I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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