Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
