He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
