Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
