and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
