sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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