I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize