I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
