i wish there were pregnant emoticons
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
