just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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