I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
