it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize