there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
