that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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