he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
