you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
