see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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