I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
