Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
