you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
