dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize