I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize