Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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