We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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