You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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