I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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