I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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