i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
