Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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