do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
