I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
