def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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