Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
