I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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