So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
