Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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