I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
